Suren's Weblog

The pursuit of Happyness

Disclaimer: The post was written over a few months, so the continuity might be at loss and no, This is not about the Will Smith movie.

So I have been thinking. Why this rat race ? What final purpose does it solve ? If the ultimate goal of life is to be happy, why spend your time in front of computers doing somebody’s work, living somebody else’s life, which you are not sure if it matters at any level or to any one? Why live a life which you are not content about, let alone being excited about it ? What is the point of existence when one really can’t define what is fun ? I mean why can’t one be content with what oneself has ? Why the urge for more ? Or If I may, for Who ?

Do you know how a sine curve looks ? One day I live on the positive peak of it. Work is good, food is good, music I listen is good, Things I do are good. Next day, sometimes same day but on a different hour I am drowning in its negative trench. There are also times when nothing matters. Let the lightning drop next to me, I won’t move a muscle. But there are also times when even touch-me-not plant seems less sensitive. Its no f??king consolation that a lot of people feel the same way.

But off late the amplitude of that sine function has gone down. I stay closer to the normalcy line. The curve seem to have dampened with occasional minor impulses either side of the axis. And at times, I think I have got the big picture, That my purpose does not have any great cosmic significance but only to my own pursuit of happiness, which is nothing but a electrochemical state of the mind brought about by varied stimuli.

Too much thinking is bad for health.

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November 15, 2009

To learn to say no !

I guess one of the very important things that I should learn to do in the coming days is the ability to say no gracefully. You can say that I am a yes man, in fact I was quite proud of it until recently. Being an yes man has been quite a positive thing for me so far, until I continuously ended up hurting my plans by saying yes. And the first time I said a NO, even I felt it kind of being rude and the other person ended up taking it personal. I think it will take me some time to not to be guilty about it. So just in case I am saying No to you next time, its not anything personal, but its just that I have something else more important to do. I sincerely do hope you would understand.

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August 11, 2009

Two months in Bangalore !

Today I complete two months in Bangalore. (And in another two days, two months at Yahoo! as well – which is in a different story). I am not so sure what to make out of these two months. Its pretty mixed up. I always fancied living in a city but now that I live in a city I kind of feel city life is pretty fast for me. Back at Neyveli or Trichy it used to be at a pretty comfortable pace and I could always find my ground. I know I will get used to this eventually, but the question is what would I be missing.

Don’t get me wrong, there are lots of wonderful things in Bangalore. There are a lot of interesting events, opportunities and _people_ around the place. And then my work, colleagues and experiences at office. There is a lots of learning going on technically, emotionally and socially etc. I realize I have changed a lots over the past two months, sort of matured (much to my own and my friends irritation). Think I am no longer the same 8th std kid I was.

Also for the first time, my thought process has widened like anything. I am really confused about almost every choice I make. I really miss the implicit spoon feeding I enjoyed at college and before. There is no predefined path ahead. Figuring out everything by myself, knowing that it could make a significant difference is overwhelming. But I hope in coming days I will find out what I really want out of myself and when that happens I could as well connect the dots looking backwards.

I feel kind of funny and stupid, having written this post now. But in retrospect I have felt that most of the times.

PS: All the best for Bala, Nagu, Gokul, Vishwa , Prabhu, Dado to name a few among my friends who are leaving/left to US for higher studies. Have a nice time guys !

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June 1, 2009

Moving on !

When I am starting to plan my weekends at bangalore ,I know I have moved on from my college life !

Well, This may be fast, but I suppose it is good that it happened fast. There are still a few things though, that I wish I had done in college, rather got the courage to do in college. But I guess it will pass by as time progresses.

Right now terribly bored of staying home. Somebody pointed out rightly that may be home-sickness is sick of being at home for a long time.

12 more days to go !

May 24, 2009

In Trance

Have you ever been in a state where you don’t know what day/date is it and seriously have no idea of knowing it ? Have you been where nothing matters and you are totally impervious to everything that happens around you ? It is as if you realize nothing matters and so you let go of everything ? That is a dangerous place yet a really happy place to go to ! I know it drives you crazy to be there at times and at others its really enjoyable. You pass out of the college, you are supposed to feel bad. But You are as if you never lived there. You are going to a job of your dreams, you are supposed to feel good. But You are as if it never mattered and then you start wondering if that is really a job of your dreams ! All you care about is the boost that you get in the morning – is it hot enough ? does it have enough sugar ? and even that, most of the times is perfect and you tend to not care about that !

May be too much of leisure does not do good on you ! But that again sucks ! You don’t want to be the workaholic everyone knows you to be ! Then you are clearly confused what to do next. You both love and hate what you do and what kind of person does that make you ! You love doing night-outs but don’t want to do them because that makes you not normal. How can you possibly both love and hate topcoder at the same time ? Or is love and hate the same thing ? Is that all it comes down to ? May be its tough to love and hate a thing; but maybe its not that tough to like and dislike the same thing ? And what is liking and what is loving ? Where do you draw the line ? and why should it be a line and not a curve ? And why the heck do you use so many smiley-s ?

You know you are in trance and you want to get out of it. You think/wish that it will change when you go places, but that is yet to be seen. I wish it changes for you, that you don’t get into this stupid trance once again and you laugh at this post that I even cared to write it for you!

Peace ! Vaazgha

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