I quit Goyaka Labs recently. I have been struggling with myself to keep going at it only to realise I am doing more harm than good to myself and my friends/co-founders.
I lacked purpose for what I was doing. I had stopped producing. The team wasn’t going anywhere and I felt I was part of the reason. I felt like such a let down to all those awesome entrepreneurs and hackers I had met. I went into depression.
There was a limbo period when I couldn’t make a decision as to whether to keep going or quit, for I knew both decisions sucked. My previous post is an example of me trying to fight it out. But I was rightly pointed out, that not making the decision is the worst thing I could do at that moment.
I am super grateful to Alagu and Raj for being understanding and super helpful all along, even after I told them how I felt. If there was any sadness, it is only that it didn’t work out. By the way, they are still at it and I sincerely wish them the best.
I am also thankful to everyone else who has helped me in this journey so far. You are amazing!
I want to do a startup one day. When I find the right thing to do and a right set of people to do it with. But thats just me getting ahead of myself.
Right now, I am starting over from scratch. Here’s to more adventures. Wish me luck!
Why do we fall sir? So we might learn to pick ourselves up
This, this, this and this!
My journey is not easy! There are times I just want to run away, travel around the world and get lost. I am weaker than what most people think of me.
There are people whom I admire, who seem to play the game so easily. May be they are better wired than me or they hide their battle wounds well. Either way they seem to be flying.
I just keep needing a constant reminder that its ok to fail. That every time I fall, I just have to get back up one more time. That its gonna hurt but anything worth getting is gonna hurt. That its failure, when I decide to give up. That giving up without trying my best is worse than giving up.
You worked hard to get into a good school. You probably went to one of the best school there is. You put in a lot of effort to stand out there. You slogged hard when you could have just chilled out with your friends and may be had a good time. You stuck to the high standards that you defined to be above everything else, even your peace of mind and health, and at times even above people who cared about you.
Maybe you went to that high paying job that everyone else wished they had. You quit that too because it was getting too easy and pointless. You went after work, glory, purpose, money and what not and you wanted to get there fast. Maybe you even had a great start doing that.
But along the way you realize the place you wanted to go had changed and you are no nearer to it than you were one year ago. What is worse is you are no longer sure if there is even anywhere you want to go.
You hoped that in all that effort that you had put in, you were convinced that you *deserved* to be successful, to be content, to be happy, that you would know what you wanted.
Then at a random moment, it hits you. Something you probably knew but never really understood. That it had to be about the journey and not about the destination. That deserve’s got nothing to do with it.
This was an interesting year.
Started a company along with two of my best friends – Alagu and Raj. Our startup got selected to YCombinator. That is one heck of a ride.
Wrote lots of code.
Went on outings to Mangalore, Half moon bay, San Francisco, Goa. I lived in the valley for couple of months. I biked the golden gate bridge. I met a lot of new people. Made new friends. I got together with a lot of my friends from college.
Lived in six different houses.I travelled abroad for the first time. I sailed in a ferry boat for the first time. I drove a car at 140Km/H. I started using metropolitan transport for office commute.
Spent all of my past two years savings and for the first time I could remember, went completely broke.
Have a paunch now and to my embarrassment got it pointed out by a lot of people.
Was way out of my comfort zone for most of the year. I was depressed quite a few times.
Wanted to learn guitar. Have successfully postponed that for one more year.
Repeated the same mistakes I thought I wouldn’t do yet again. Figured I might do them again.
Failed, quite a few times. It hurt.
Was an egoistical asshole quite a few times. That hurt too in hindsight.
Learnt that nothing matters, that each day that I wake up to is new and that I have to be graceful about it.
Just doing what I love could be the best thing I could give myself.
I could say I lived a lot this year.
Dustin’s post about ‘The Best’
My father usually buys the most expensive of stuff. When he could have got any good color television 20 years back, he went for an imported Sony piece. The washing machine had to be an IFB. When there were two similar shirts in looks, he chose the costlier one
He never buys stuff that is cheap. He doesn’t go to place where one has to haggle.
Until I read Dustin’s post, I never completely understood this nature of his. He wasn’t really buying expensive stuff, he was just buying the best ones there are.
It seems so obvious now. That sony television was replaced in full working condition only for a much bigger screen. The washing machine is still working great for more than 10 years and could do another 10 easily. The shirts that he got me still looks good while the ones I bought are erstwhile.
None of the computers I had, lasted more than a year until I got a Macbook Air. I have spent more on multiple mobile phones whose total value could be of more than an iphone. None of them were even half as good as the iPhone now.
So that makes my choices ahead really easy. Whenever I am buying a thing, I have to buy the best one there is. If I can’t afford it, then its simply no good to own anything less. And I don’t have to own anything that is not as important.
The things we buy should free us. The real value of a thing is how much it could free us. The best things there are the ones that chains us the least!
Sure. We don’t like it if some one censored our internet. There will be a social media outrage. We will take government sites down. We will make sure we do everything to preserve our online liberty. We would do an “occupy bangalore” to make things right
The city just had its worst of summers. The water bodies are disappearing. Not sure if city could still be called garden city.
Cost of living, rents, food prices – They are only ever increasing.
I am an immigrant to this city. This is also the first and the only city I ever lived in. There was a charm to the city that I feel is slowly being lost. I wish people did an “occupy bangalore” that wanted the city back but not just our freedom to see the sites we want to. That is something I would want to go to.
It is said, things get worse before they get better. I sincerely wish it were true.
I don’t hold you responsible any more for what happened to me. It seems silly I have been doing that.
I and only I, am responsible for things that happen to me.
Someone who does you an injury hurts you twice: first by the injury itself, and second by taking up your time afterward thinking about it. If you learn to ignore injuries you can at least avoid the second half. I’ve found I can to some extent avoid thinking about nasty things people have done to me by telling myself: this doesn’t deserve space in my head. I’m always delighted to find I’ve forgotten the details of disputes, because that means I hadn’t been thinking about them. My wife thinks I’m more forgiving than she is, but my motives are purely selfish.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.